You Might Be a Mom If . . .
LaughterStories

You Might Be a Mom If . . .

You might be a mom if. . .

. . . your car is not just a vehicle but also a movie theatre, a dining room, a dance floor, and a therapist’s office.

. . . your phone contains 300 blurry photos of inanimate objects your preschooler took.

. . . you consider showering before 10 am an accomplishment.

. . . you haven’t peed alone in over a year.

. . . there are plastic ponies, dolls, and mermaids in your shower.

. . . you can walk through a playroom in the dark like a Ninja, never stepping on a single toy that is scattered throughout the room.

. . . you find a random sock, hair bow, or googly eye in your purse.

. . . you grab a Capri sun for yourself to drink.

. . . you consider 3 chicken nuggets, 6 grapes, and a half eaten cookie a balanced meal.

. . . you do 3 loads of laundry every single day of the week and still cannot catch up.

. . . you have become an expert at doing pretty much everything with only one hand, and not even your dominant one.

. . . the restaurant you go to the most often has a playground attached to it.

. . . you consider 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep refreshing and a good night.

. . . when you hear someone about to throw up you instinctively reach out to catch it in your hand.

… you can carry 6 bags of groceries, an open juice box, a purse, a diaper bag, 2 dolls, and a 30 pound sleeping child in one trip without dropping a single thing.

. . . you check for floaters in your drink before you take a sip in case one of your kids got to it first.

. . . the magic of Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and Valentine’s Day has returned.

. . . your refrigerator also doubles as an art display.

. . . you know the actors in the Teen Bop magazine cover.

. . . you catch yourself singing “Let it Go” while at work or the grocery store.

. . . you just started singing “Let it Go” in your head.

. . . your tablet case looks like a monster, a cartoon character, or has stickers all over it.

. . . all the apps on your phone are for ages 3+

. . . you schedule your pap smear around PTA meetings, play dates, and baby-sitter availability.

. . . you could serve a full meal with the food that is on the floor board of your car.

. . . your serving wear has cartoon characters on them–even the forks.

. . . you go to sporting events where the star athlete scores in the opposing team’s goal more times than in their own. And they are excited when they do so.

. . . you look forward to the annual Spelling Bee because it is a chance for you to socialize with other adults.

. . . you have ever told someone “You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit”.

. . . you have ever swatted blindly into your backseat while driving hoping to connect with an arm, leg, SOMETHING because of what was going on back there.

. . . you consider arriving 5 minutes later than scheduled as being early.

. . . you have ever gone through a car wash for entertainment.

. . . you are an expert at doing hair and nails but yours always looks like crap.

. . . you pee yourself a little when you sneeze/cough/laugh.

. . . you have several clothing items get ruined by the adhesive from stickers.

. . . you have rewashed the same load of clothing 4 times to try to get the desiccant completely out of the laundry from the diaper that exploded when you washed the original load.

. . . you are the Master at hiding things; so good, in-fact, that you forget where they are.

. . . you are going to reread this because this is a very accurate description of you.

 

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About the Author

Gina is a working mom, laughing at the absurd to keep herself from crying into a bag of cookies while pounding back coffee.  Her writing has been featured on Sammiches & Psych Meds, Scary Mommy, Bon Bon Break, and Mamalode (to name a few). You can laugh with or at her on twitter (@beans1031) or on facebook. Take a look. I think you’ll like what you see.

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