This Mother is Jealous of Your Noisy, Messy Days
HeartstringsStories

This Mother is Jealous of Your Noisy, Messy Days

Written by Melissa Kaye

There are a lot of moms and dads on Facebook, posting updates that chronicle their parental struggles — kids misbehaving, making too much noise or mess, fighting with siblings, refusing to get ready for school.

My house is relatively quiet. 

There are no noisy arguments or fighting between siblings. On school mornings, I don’t feel like I’m pulled in five directions. I don’t have to nag at everyone to get ready. And if I forgot to take the bento container out of A’s lunch box last night, no stress — I have an extra in the cabinet.

Our bedtime routine goes smoothly — no chasing kids in different directions or playing musical beds to settle kids down. My husband and I have plenty of time to watch a show or read a book before bed.

Right now, you might be jealous, or think I’m a braggy mom — but really I’m jealous.

I miss the sound of sibling arguments. I would give anything for a night of being driven crazy, returning my son to his bed every 10 minutes, not getting to watch that show my husband DVR’d to watch with me.

Struggling to get the kids ready, juggling schedules and different moods, three different meals for dinner, doctor appointments, dirty socks left strewn around the house, 10,000 questions and 20,000 strong opinions every single day.

I miss being nagged for screen time and begged to check out his Minecraft world. Reading “just one more chapter” before bed. 

And I hate that there is an extra of everything, because my son isn’t here to put those things to use.

 

We lost our son Joshua this summer, weeks shy of his 9th birthday, after a 13-day battle with E. coli.

When your children are healthy, and you can assume they will be driving you crazy for the rest of your life, it is normal to be frustrated and irritated by the things that we, as parents, find challenging.

I urge you, though — take a step back every now and then and think about how much you will miss those moments when your child is grown, or what you might have had more patience for if you looked back from my perspective.

Enjoy the moments with your children. Try not to take things too seriously. Remember that things can change in an instant. Love really is what is important in life. 

Surround yourself and your family with love.

 

Editor’s Note: Today marks a year that this family lost their precious boy. We ask that today you share some kindness: a picture, a quote, or an act of altruism, and add #ThisIsForJosh. No parent should have to bury a child, and we will do our part to remember Josh on the anniversary of his passing.

 

IMG_0657.JPG About the Author

Melissa Kaye is a Boston-based green living expert, blogger, radio personality, mom and wife. She is currently working her way through grief and learning how to live without her eight year old son, Joshua, who died July 7th of E. Coli. With her husband and two daughters, she has founded the Joshua Kaye Foundation. The foundation will honor what was important to Josh-arts, learning, community, fairness, and animal welfare.

Connect with Melissa at Mommy Business, on Facebook and on Twitter (and @mstkaye).

 

34 comments

  1. Helen Simon Helene
    Reply

    My heart just broke 🙁 I will try and appreciate the mess, the fights, and the stress which comes with raising children.

  2. Amy
    Reply

    I feel a similar kind of heartache knowing my daughter will grow up without me. When I am frustrated at her two year old antics I try to consider that I should relish these minutes and days rather than bury myself under the covers to finish surfing fb. She will have lunches I won’t be there to make & antics I won’t be able to referee soon enough. I’m so sorry about your family’s loss <3

  3. Meg
    Reply

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Thank you for helping bring us some often-needed perspective.

  4. Gail
    Reply

    Even when I get frustrated, I remind myself how lucky I am to have my son. I hope all these warm thoughts will give you continued strength.

  5. Krista Mounsey
    Reply

    Heartbreaking! I, too, am jealous of the noisy, messy days. I don’t have children of my own, but I do have 3 stepsons. They are with us every summer & I live for those days. I hate when they go home & our house is quiet again. I hate when I don’t get to set their places at dinner. Sure, they drive me nuts when they are fighting over who washes & who dries the dishes, but that’s OK. 🙂

  6. Catherine McFarlin
    Reply

    Beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time

  7. Pingback: 9 Things I Gave Up to Be a Wife and Mother - Mom Babble

  8. mkaye145
    Reply

    Thank you to all who read and commented. I appreciate your support and love. We lost Joshy just 27 days before his 9th birthday. Those were the some of the saddest days of the saddest year of our lives, but so much love was shown to us. Losing a child forces lessons on parents, siblings, and friends. We realize that life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed. The little moments with our children matter more than anything. And telling someone you love them shouldn’t wait. As we mark our first whole year without him, we’d like these next few weeks to be filled with love. Today, July 7 through Josh’s birthday, August 3, we’d love it if you’d join us in spreading joy and love by sharing how you stay present in the moment, share your love, or spread kindness, using the hashtag #ThisIsForJosh on social media. ❤️

  9. Jennifer Pitt
    Reply

    Melissa…I feel your jealousy. We lost my stepson to epilepsy in 2006, just weeks shy of his 10th. I understand your jealousy, and walk through it with you. You are not alone! XO

  10. calliefeyen
    Reply

    I am so, so sorry, Melissa. Thank you for sharing your story. I will remember it always.

  11. Courtney Perkins
    Reply

    Suddenly I don’t care if my kids are throwing their waffles on the floor.

  12. mamarabia
    Reply

    Hugs, Melissa, When I am at my wit’s end with my kids this summer, I”ll be sure to say an extra prayer for you.

  13. Charlotte McMullen
    Reply

    Sweet mama, well written and taken into my <3.

  14. Rabia Lieber
    Reply

    This week, I promise to say a prayer for Melissa each time I feel like I’m at my wit’s end with my kids!

  15. Mom Babble
    Reply

    Joshua Kaye Foundation, we love and support you. Today you have our hearts and prayers.

  16. Kristen Miller Hewitt
    Reply

    ❤️ so incredibly heartbreaking.

  17. Michele
    Reply

    Thinking of you and your family today, Melissa. I will keep Josh in mind in these coming days and weeks and do my best to find joy in everyday life in his memory. #ThisIsForJosh

  18. theheartofsassylassie
    Reply

    Beautiful words of wisdom. I’m so sorry you lost dear Joshua and cannot even begin to imagine your pain. How lovely and what a loving post to share with others You must have a strong and resiiant heart – I know this because even through your own pain, you are offering wisdom to others.

    Peace to you and all your loved one’s.

  19. Susanne/The Dusty Parachute
    Reply

    I just went and gave an extra round of hugs to the kids and will be thinking of this story and your family.

  20. Susanne Lewis Kerns
    Reply

    After a morning of squabbling over chores this gives a whole new perspective. The kids both just got a big round of hugs.

  21. Sarah
    Reply

    I am so sorry for your loss. This breaks my heart so much. Every story like this breaks my heart. I try so much to be grateful and thankful to God for every moment with my daughter, even the most aggravating. I said a prayer for you and your family. God bless you and comfort you on this beyond difficult anniversary.

  22. Jeanine Lebsack
    Reply

    Oh my the tears so heart breaking. ❤️

  23. Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom
    Reply

    Heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for this reminder.

    Sending you love, hugs, and prayers.
    xoxo

  24. Heather M Garcia
    Reply

    I understand your loss, I lost Dereck 3 years ago and still donate in his name

  25. Bianca LeRoux
    Reply

    I read this later in the day today so I was’t able to share the love for Josh today BUT I will tomorrow. <3 to you strong Momma.

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